Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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