eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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