we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
