would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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