So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
