ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
