Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
