I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
