..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
