He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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