i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
