I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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