If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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