Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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