Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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