he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
