similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
