u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My balls are so social today.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
