you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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