So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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