roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
