I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
