I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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