my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he thought i was a dude.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
