i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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