My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
