In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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