Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
