I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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