I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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