I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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