We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
