My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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