Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
