so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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