I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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