I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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