There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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