At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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