I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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