A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
