he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
