Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
