i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
