Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
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I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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