Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
