Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
