I'm jealous of your bromance
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
