Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
