Midget sex pt 2 tonight
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
