I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
