i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
