I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
