My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
