LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
