Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
