I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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