I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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