I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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