just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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