bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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