I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
