I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i drank out of a bidet.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
