I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I look excited, but its just a facade.
try to milk me bitch
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