Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
