I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
