Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
