big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
