I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize